Winters used to be cold in England. We, my parents especially, spent them watching the wrestling. The wrestling they watched on their black-and-white television sets on Saturday afternoons represented a brief intrusion of life and colour in their otherwise monochrome lives. Their work overalls were faded, the sofa cover—unchanged for years—was faded, their memories of the people they had been before coming to England were fading too. My parents, their whole generation, treadmilled away the best years of their lives toiling in factories for shoddy paypackets. A life of drudgery, of deformed spines, of chronic arthritis, of severed hands. They bit their lips and put up with the pain. They had no option but to. In their minds they tried to switch off—to ignore the slights of co-workers, not to bridle against the glib cackling of foremen, and, in the case of Indian women, not to fret when they were slapped about by their husbands. Put up with the pain, they told themselves, deal with the pain—the shooting pains up the arms, the corroded hip joints, the back seizures from leaning over sewing machines for too many years, the callused knuckles from handwashing clothes, the rheumy knees from scrubbing the kitchen floor with their husbands' used underpants.
When my parents sat down to watch the wrestling on Saturday afternoons, milky cardamon tea in hand, they wanted to be entertained, they wanted a laugh. But they also wanted the good guy, just for once, to triumph over the bad guy. They wanted the swaggering, braying bully to get his come-uppance. They prayed for the nice guy, lying there on the canvas, trapped in a double-finger interlock or clutching his kidneys in agony, not to submit. If only he could hold out just a bit longer, bear the pain, last the course. If only he did these things, chances were, wrestling being what it was, that he would triumph. It was only a qualified victory, however. You'd see the winner, exhausted, barely able to wave to the crowd. The triumph was mainly one of survival. | 在過去的那一段時間裡,英國的冬天經常很冷。我們觀看摔跤比賽以便消磨時間,我的父母親特別如此。週六晚上透過家裡黑白電視機觀賞的比賽,像是生命中的一段小插曲,為他們既單調又乏味的生活添上了一些色彩。他們工作時所穿的連身褲已經褪了顏色,那張多年未換的沙發布也變得不再鮮艷,就連自己在來到到英國以前的身份地位如何,也記不清了。我父母親以及他們那一代的人,在工廠裡辛勤地工作,卻只為了一份微薄的收入而蹉跎了他們人生中的大好時光。一輩子做牛做馬,背駝了,手腳也染了風溼,就連指節也變得殘缺不全。然而,他們只是咬著牙、忍著痛,因為他們別無選擇。在腦海裡,他們試著不去管工作伙伴的鄙視眼光,儘量不去頂撞監工的冷嘲熱諷,倘若身為印度女性,當丈夫在她們臉上摑了一掌時,還得當作沒發生過一樣。忍著痛苦吧!她們這樣告訴自已,忍著這些因長年彎腰使用縫紉機,致使肩膀、受傷的臗關節以及歪駝的背所傳來的陣陣刺痛,以及用手搓洗衣物而生繭的手指關節,還有因使用丈夫用舊不穿的褲子跪著洗地而染上的膝蓋關節炎。
星期六午後,當我父母親手中握著一杯加了奶的印度紅茶,坐在電視機前收看摔跤比賽的時候,他們是想要從節目中找到一些樂趣,大笑一場。不光是如此,他們還想看到 — 那怕只有一次也好 — 正義的一方大敗邪惡的對手。他們想看到那個走路大搖大擺、大聲嚷叫的光頭仔受到一點教訓。當正義之士中了對方的雙指聯鎖躺在擂台上動彈不得,或者抱膝掙扎的時候,他們為他祈禱。希望他忍著痛,多堅持一會兒,撐到最後一分鐘。如果他辦到了,那麼就會有嬴的機會,摔跤比賽向來都是如此。然而,這並非一場完美的勝利。你看到的是一個精疲力竭,連向群眾揮手致意的力氣也沒有的勝利者。這種勝利多半是一種撐到最後的結果。 |