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hip it up!
But for
Dec 7, 2007 19:22
16 yrs ago
1 viewer *
English term

looking for rhyming line

English Art/Literary Poetry & Literature
I think this can be treated as an English question although it arises in a German-GB English translation, for use in various countries. I'm looking for a line like:
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, where is my child XXX? where XXX should rhyme with "seven".
The obvious one is something ending with "heaven" but I'm avoiding that because some places where this is used might object to the religious connection. (A literal translation of "Fehlerteufel", ("error devil") was rejected (before I was given this job) for such a reason - he is called the "big mistake maker" instead.)
Context: This is in a teacher's guide for teaching numbers and arithmetic to children aged up to 6, and this particular one is said by the "guard" (one of the children) calling the children into the "land of seven". The German source line is "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, wo ist denn mein Kind geblieben?" (literally "One, ... seven, where has my child stayed?", followed by the name of a child.
Thanks if you can be suitably inventive.
Responses
3 what about...
3 +3 Haven?
5 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, where is my child number eleven??
3 +1 favorite lemon
3 +1 Where are my friends Meg and Kevin?
3 never
3 my uncle's name is Kevin
3 can you count up to eleven?
3 try this standard technique
3 lateral thinking: see below

Discussion

Oliver Walter (asker) Dec 8, 2007:
Many thanks for all these ideas. I've provisionally used Bill's idea and written "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven; is my child then still in Devon?" I also like Sheila's approach, perhaps this: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, we say; where has my child gone to stay?" Perhaps I'll offer them both to the client. (There will be an American reviewer who has translated the earlier lessons, so I'll need to explain some GB English to her.)
Oliver Walter (asker) Dec 7, 2007:
No, "geblieben" is "stayed" or "remained".
Mark Nathan Dec 7, 2007:
Should that be "where has my child strayed?" ?

Responses

16 mins
Selected

what about...

My wife and I have sat here and tried a few different ones, and will offer you this in case it can help:
...where's my child who's home/come from Devon?

Maybe an English county is not the best, but we couldn't see "leaven" working any better, and Severn was a bit forced, and had the same geograhical problems.

Good luck!
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4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thanks to Bill, Sheila and the others - you helped my thinking about this. Obviously no KudoZ glossary entry."
+3
7 mins

Haven?

One. two, three, four, five, six, seven,
Where has my child found a haven?

Not a perfect rhyme, but I can't think of any words that are, apart from "heaven" and "eleven".
Peer comment(s):
agree conejo : Or "Where is my child's haven?"
14 mins
Thanks, but I'm trying not only to find a rhyme, but also to make it scan in the same way as the original.
agree Mark Nathan
42 mins
Thank you.
agree Melzie : some more for your thinking cap http://www.rhymer.com/RhymingDictionary/seven.html
3 hrs
Thank you, but that's too broad a definition of "rhyming" for me. I wouldn't recognize most of those words as rhyming with seven at all.
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15 mins

never

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, is my child the loser? Never!
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+1
20 mins

favorite lemon

where is my child and his favorite lemon?

where is my child? In the republic of Yemen! [ Joking with this one ;) ]

Finding a good rhyme here is daunting to say the least; are you sure you can't play around with the line a bit more?
Peer comment(s):
agree Mark Nathan : that in its current format it is doubtful that the line /rhyme can be sucessfully translated
36 mins
Thank you, Mark.
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28 mins

my uncle's name is Kevin

I suppose you could use 'father's', 'brother's'..etc. ..and I do believe 'Kevin' is a fairly well-known name, internationally.

This, I'm afraid, exhausts my options:-)


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Note added at 33 mins (2007-12-07 19:55:31 GMT)
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or....'my teddy bear's name is Kevin' or 'Evan' (Welsh for 'John')...though not nearly as well-known as the firt:-)
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+1
1 hr

Where are my friends Meg and Kevin?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
Where are my friends Meg and Kevin?

My idea before looking at any other suggestions.

And then there is the famous
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
All the children go to heaven
(from Carry that Weight, I think)

But you said you can't use heaven
Peer comment(s):
agree cmwilliams (X) : this sounds more appropriate for the context. The literal translation just doesn't work in English.
1 hr
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2 hrs

can you count up to eleven?

..
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13 hrs

try this standard technique

My husband, who's a songwriter, looked at the problem and asked me to let you know the standard songwriter's technique for dealing with this sort of problem where a rhyme simply isn't possible:

Add a bit to the preceding line, then you've got a different word to rhyme with.

Obviously this can cause problems with scanning, but two extra sylables can normally be accommodated.

He suggests:
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven; we say
Where is it that my child used to stay?

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Note added at 13 hrs (2007-12-08 08:36:25 GMT)
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On looking again at your explanation, maybe you would be better with 'going to stay'? You say they are being called, so perhaps a past tense isn't suitable
Peer comment(s):
neutral Carol Gullidge : sorry - I didn't see this before adding my own idea, much along the same lines :) This is a technique I often use. (But I prefer the scanning of my version!)
3 hrs
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16 hrs

lateral thinking: see below

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and
Did he/she stay in Neverneverland?

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Note added at 16 hrs (2007-12-08 12:07:08 GMT)
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OK, not a perfect rhyme, but near enough for the purpose, and it does scan...



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Note added at 16 hrs (2007-12-08 12:13:29 GMT)
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And don't forget that all English children of that age group will know the reference to Peter Pan!
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20 hrs

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, where is my child number eleven??

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, where is my child XXX? =>
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, where is my child number eleven??
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